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So for many years, I was comfortable in my head and in my spiritual beliefs, but I remained disconnected from my feelings and my body (which I’ve since learned that they are completely intertwined!). Action alone wasn’t enough to shift the world towards equity, and that our success was tied to our individual and collective personal development and healing.
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I saw firsthand what it felt like to work with people who claimed they were for social justice, but their own wounds and/or privilege blinders continued to show up and cause massive harm to others around them. I experienced the limitations of ivory tower theories. The most necessary and transformative lesson was the importance of compassion and humanization at the center of social justice work. It took a good year of processing to understand what I just went through, and in time, I walked away with many important lessons learned. It was one of the hardest and most eye-opening experiences of my life, which eventually led to a spiritual awakening. I reacted by raising my walls, and I often felt like I was emotionally trapped in the bottom of a well. I was in massive culture shock as a big city girl moving to a small town, for the first time I felt the weight of the word “minority” being one of a handful of Asian faces in the entire area, I was far away from my entire support network, and I was somehow supposed to teach using innovative and experiential methods in the midst of dealing with a year-long anxiety attack. It was an incredible experience where I got to work with amazing students and live in gorgeous nature, but I was waaaay out of my depth and completely overwhelmed. Life soon challenged these assumptions, when I got a teaching fellowship in a small, tourist town in the middle of the Rocky Mountains.
![invisible knapsack invisible knapsack](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/43/bb/36/43bb36661cb0488744c32bc869fdec80.jpg)
However, at this point in my life, I was only in my head, thinking that intellect and theory would be enough.
Invisible knapsack pro#
If you identify as Kitz or Tongva and and are reading this, please contact me and I would love to offer pro bono services to you and/or your tribe. This is work that I am committed to doing, and want to do both carefully and slowly so that I do not inadvertently cause further harm.
![invisible knapsack invisible knapsack](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/bY5WZoh3Rzo/maxresdefault.jpg)
Though the Tongva tribe is recognized by the State of California, it lacks federal recognition, which denies them the ability to negotiate with the United States government as a sovereign state.Īs an outsider, I am doing my best to educate myself on the history of what has happened to this tribe, however I also lack the relationships with the tribe to effectively understand the nuances of the Tongva / Kitz names and provide support in a way that embodies decolonization. I live and work on the stolen lands of the Tongva/Kitz people, and I recognize the problematic space I occupy as an Asian American settler (especially considering I live close by a California Mission, which was built by the enslaved ancestors of the Tongva/Kitz people).